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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28873710">in between wildflowers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nesirea/pseuds/nesirea'>nesirea</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bleak House (TV 2005), Bleak House - Charles Dickens</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:00:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,126</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28873710</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nesirea/pseuds/nesirea</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>my version of how Lady Dedlock and Esther's story began &lt;3</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Honoria Barbary | Lady Dedlock/James Hawdon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in between wildflowers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>contains a few spoilers (but not for the end of the series)!!<br/>I'd still recommend to read it after watching the series.</p><p>also, English is not my first language and I've never shared any of my writing before so this is a big first to me:) </p><p>Big thank you to msgilliana for the beta and her kindness<br/>and help with everything!</p><p>also thank you to everyone who encouraged me to upload this! ily &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the disappearance of her lover, Honoria had never thought it was possible for her to love another person that deeply again. She had believed that with him her love and happiness were gone too. Until the moment she felt her unborn child move for the first time. The little flutter in her stomach that she almost didn‘t think was real. But as her belly began to grow, so did her love for her baby daughter. </p><p>When Esther was born, an even bigger wave of love overcame Honoria. She knew from the moment she saw her for the first time that she would protect her with everything she had. This kind of love was new to her and it scared her in more than one way.</p><p>On the one hand, she was scared to bring her daughter into this world which hid so much darkness and danger everywhere. But on the other hand, she couldn’t wait to introduce her little girl to the beauty, colors, and light that this world had to offer.

Now, there was this precious little human being that had her mother‘s bright blue ocean eyes and demanded her full attention. It was obvious that Honoria was more than willing to give her all the love and attention she had to offer.</p><p>The first weeks after Esther‘s birth, her mother could barely take her eyes of the little girl that got even sweeter with every day she was on earth. Honoria never felt more proud of herself than during the moments when she nursed her beautiful girl with the body she was so harsh to the years before. She had felt broken for so long, but now she was strong enough to share some of her strength with her daughter by feeding and nurturing her. To make sure she would grow up to be a strong little girl.</p><p>On the day of Esther‘s first smile, Honoria cried tears of joy. She had never seen anything more beautiful than the precious, toothless little smile of her baby girl. Her sobs were filled with joy and happiness.</p><p>She also shed tears of sorrow. She was still mourning the loss of her lover and Esther‘s father, Captain James Hawdon. She wished he could see his daughter, the little human being they had created together. Esther was the most precious gift he could have ever given her.</p><p>Sometimes when Honoria got overwhelmed by her memories of him, she took Esther out of her crib, placed her in her arms, and read to her. She would read lines out of the love letters James had written to her long time ago. Words of love, affection, and desire written by the man that had made her feel like the only woman on earth.

Honoria wanted to make sure that Esther grew up knowing who her father was and what an exceptional man he had been. She knew he had his reasons to leave and she probably would never see him again. But she would ensure that his legacy would continue to live on in his daughter who had not only inherited his nose, but also his kind soul.</p><p>As Esther got older, she started exploring the world around her and Honoria loved watching her brave little girl grow more curious by the day. When the sun was shining, they would go on little walks to Honoria’s favorite place that soon became Esther‘s favorite as well: a field of wildflowers with butterflies in abundance.</p><p>They sat down and enjoyed the beauty of nature around them. Honoria felt the grass underneath her palms, the smell of flowers in her nose while she watched her daughter toddling through the green in front of her. She grabbed some of the flowers with her tiny hands, then let them fall on the spot just to run to the next beautiful flower that had caught her attention. Always under the watchful eyes of her mother, she even tried to put some of them into her mouth, but made a face when she realized they don’t taste as good as they smell.</p><p>In moments like this, Honoria was happier than she ever thought possible. This little girl, with the brightest blue eyes and a few bouncing curls of dark hair, had changed her life in the most drastic but also most beautiful way ever. She had put her mother‘s broken pieces back together. She filled her with life and love and gave her a reason to get up every morning. A reason to enjoy the beauty that life had to offer them both.</p><p>As Honoria watched her daughter pick a flower and holding it onto her stubby little nose to smell it, she felt tears running down her cheeks. Tears of joy and relief that she was granted such a life with her little girl.

After James had left, she had felt this emptiness in her heart. She didn’t know if it could ever be filled again. If she was still allowed to have a life filled with hapiness after all or if she would just be alone forever. But when when she needed it most and expected it the least, this tiny human being, her precious baby daughter entered her life and changed everything. </p><p>As if Esther had noticed her mother’s tears, she toddled back towards her while holding onto the flower she had just picked. With her sweet smile that showed the few tiny teeth in her mouth, she held the flower in front of her mother‘s face and wiggled it so that it tickled Honoria‘s nose and even wiped away a few tears. Honoria laughed joyfully, then took the flower and tucked it behind her ear. It stood out beautifully in her curly, dark hair that she had put into a loose bun in her neck.</p><p>Esther, tired from their little adventure, yawned loudly and rubbed her eyes. Honoria wiped away the last few traces of her tears and grabbed her daughter, placing her in her lap. She held her tight and inhaled the scent of her little girl, sweet and soft. It was her favorite scent on earth. She rocked Esther in her arms, humming her favorite lullaby while placing innumerable kisses on her soft sunkissed cheeks.

When Esther was finally asleep, Honoria leaned back and lay down in the grass while her precious angel was sleeping with her head on her motherˋs chest. She closed her eyes and listened to the buzzing of bees and butterflies around them mixed with the soft breathing noises of her sleeping daughter.</p><p>If she ever had to describe what Heaven on earth would look like for her, she would describe this exact moment she was in right now.</p><p>Just Esther and her, in between wildflowers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>wow thank you so much for reading!<br/>this really means the world to me!</p><p>pls let me know what you think:)</p><p>sending you a hug &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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